


Lie to Me

by Ceares



Category: Charade (1963), Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe - Movie Fusion, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-22
Updated: 2014-05-22
Packaged: 2018-01-26 02:47:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1671821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ceares/pseuds/Ceares
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Loosely based on the movie. Some dialogue directly from the movie. Special thanks to Jess and Nikki for the quick betas.  Still not sure if I've gotten John and Rodney voices yet. I don't know if that means I should stop writing them, or write more of them. Also I don't watch SG-1, so my characterization of Sam Carter is primarily for storyline purposes.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Lie to Me

**Author's Note:**

> Loosely based on the movie. Some dialogue directly from the movie. Special thanks to Jess and Nikki for the quick betas. Still not sure if I've gotten John and Rodney voices yet. I don't know if that means I should stop writing them, or write more of them. Also I don't watch SG-1, so my characterization of Sam Carter is primarily for storyline purposes.

“I am worried. This impetuousness is very unlike you Rodney.”

Rodney squinted up at the sun and slid his chair back a little further under the umbrella. “You’re right. I should have brought my own sunscreen. I don’t think the SPF 60 is going to be strong enough.”

Radek sighed in exasperation. “Not the sun block Rodney. I am talking about your matrimonial travails. First the marriage to a woman you did not know, and now this divorce.”

Rodney shrugged. “Sam is blonde and beautiful, and not completely stupid, and it was Las Vegas.” Of course Radek was only stating what Rodney had already told himself a hundred times since the morning he woke up in bed with Sam Carter, a hangover and a marriage certificate, but he'd never admit that out loud.

“And the divorce?”

“Ah-well, she’s allergic to Tansy and turns out we don’t really have that much in common after all. She rides a motorcycle of all things, and she actually _likes_ teaching. Great sex and a mutual love of physics will only get you so far.” In their case that was about two months.

“I am beginning to think the planets must be out of alignment or something, yes?”

“What on earth are you talking about?”

“Don’t look now, but I think you are being-what do they say here? Cruised.”

Rodney followed his gaze and was caught up in hazel eyes staring at him intently. The man was leaning casually against the bar, a pair of brightly colored shorts, flip-flops and tanned skin his only covering. Rodney had to admit he was attractive, if you liked the 'surfer dude' type.

He raised his drink in Rodney’s direction in a clichéd move that made Rodney snort in amusement.

“I said do _not_ look, Rodney.”

Rodney turned back to Radek in exasperation. “Oh come on! When you say that, the first thing a person does is look. Lot’s wife? Orpheus?”

“Well, I hope you won’t be turning into a pillar of salt anytime soon.”

Rodney looked up to find shaggy and handsome standing over him with an amused look.

A sigh came from across the table. “Here we go again. This one does not even look smart.”

Rodney snapped a glare at Radek. “Will you shut up?”

Radek rolled his eyes at Rodney’s tone. He’d always been one of the few people that Rodney’s temper had no affect on. It was why they’d become friends in the first place.

“I’m sorry…”

“Doug, Flutie.”

“Doug. My brother-in-law apparently left his manners at home.”

Doug raised an inquisitive brow. “Brother in law? Does that mean you’re married?”

“No. Well yes.”

“A little confused about it?”

“No. Radek is married to my sister, so that fact that he’s my brother in law doesn’t mean I’m married, except I am. Married that is.” Which meant he _really_ shouldn’t be flirting, but Doug was extremely attractive, and the kind of guy that Rodney normally wouldn’t have a chance with, besides, the way things were, he honestly didn’t think Sam would care anyway.

“That’s too bad.”

“How about you? Is there a Mrs. Flutie?”

“Yeah, but we’re divorced.”

“Hmm, I think I will be too soon.” Damn! He hadn't meant to say that out loud.

Doug raised a brow. “Really? Maybe I can give you a call then.”

There was a snort from the other side of the table, and Radek stood up. “Oh I can not stand this any longer. I am going to find Katie and Willem. Rodney, please join us when you and your boytoy are through.”

Doug sat down across from Rodney in Radek’s vacated chair. “So Rodney…”

&&&&&&&&&&

Rodney watched impatiently as the two policemen talked intently for a few minutes. Detective Turner came back and sat back down across from him.

“Let’s go over it one more time Dr. McKay.”

“Are you people complete idiots? You should be out there looking for my wife instead of asking me the same questions over and over again. My God, how do you even catch any criminals in this country?

The officer sighed. “Alright Dr. McKay. You got home and found the apartment like this, and your wife missing.”

“And my cat.”

“And your cat. When was the last time you talked to your wife?”

“This afternoon.”

“And everything seemed to be okay?”

“Yes. She said that my dentist called and rescheduled my appointment, and that she’d see me when I got home.”

He got a sympathetic smile. “I apologize Doctor McKay, I understand you’re upset, but I don’t understand why you think something has happened to Mrs. McKay. You’ve already admitted it was an impulse marriage and that you barely know her. Isn’t it possible that maybe she just decided to bail out on a bad decision?”

Rodney sighed. The tiny hammering that had been at the back of his eyes since he’d walked into his apartment that evening turning into a full-fledged construction site. “It’s Dr. Carter, and why wouldn’t she just say something?”

“Look, you and Mrs…Dr. Carter have been married what-you said about two months? So basically you don’t really know her that well. ”

“Well it’s…I mean who ever really knows anybody?” He couldn’t help get defensive at the Detective’s tone.

“You said things have been okay between you? Did you maybe have a little fight before you left? Is it possible that this is in nature of a domestic squabble?”

Rodney looked around the decimated apartment. There was broken glass and books and magazines ripped up. The sofa and chairs had all been cut open. Paintings slashed, even the wallpaper peeled off the wall in places. The bedroom and the bathroom were the same, with clothes and toiletries spread everywhere. “It would have to be a little more than a ‘squabble’ for something like this. Besides why would she tear up her own things as well?”

Again with the smile. It was starting to annoy the hell out of Rodney. “I don’t know Dr. McKay, but people do strange things when love is involved. Perhaps she found out you were cheating on her. A woman scorned and all that. You did go on vacation without her.”

“Something came up at the last minute, and she couldn’t go.” The reason Sam wasn’t there was because she knew it was over as much as he did. The whole ‘we need to talk’ was no more than a moratorium to the situation.

“I see. Who did you say you were with at the hotel?”

Rodney stifled a flash of guilt as he thought about Doug. Talking wasn’t cheating. “I was with my sister, my brother-in-law and my nephew.”

“And they’ll vouch for that?”

“Of course they…wait a minute. I couldn’t even get you to admit that something had happened to Sam, and now you think _I_ did something to her? Why?”

Detective Turner’s expression turned grim, and Rodney realized he was being interrogated the whole time. “Your wife’s car was found abandoned a few blocks from here. There was blood in the vehicle.”

“Oh my God.” Rodney felt his stomach turn over. “Sam.”

&&&&&&&&&&

After the police finally left at three a.m. that morning, Rodney grabbed his jacket and his keys. There was no way he could stay there with the apartment like that, and he was in no mood to start cleaning up. He didn’t even know if he should. The forensics people had been in, and they’d taken photos of everything, but Rodney didn’t know if they needed more or not.

He’d go to his sister’s but it was late, and tomorrow would be soon enough to alarm them. That was how he found himself collapsing into bed at the nearest hotel, and trying his best not to think about Sam, or what might have happened to her while he was flirting with a lean chest and a bright smile.

It was late that next morning, half way between sleep and wakefulness that he remembered the box of Sam’s things he had in his trunk. She’d stuffed it in there as they were moving her into his place and told him don’t worry about it; she’d get it out. She’d never gotten around to it, and he’d forgotten about it until now.

&&&&&&&&&&

“I do not see how you can sit so calmly and eat when you are a murder suspect.”

“Rodney can eat no matter what”

He was sitting at his sister’s kitchen table, working on his third cup of coffee and a full plate of food.

Jeannie sat down across from him. “I can’t believe this. It’s so bizarre. I mean you must be the most boring person I know-then you go to Las Vegas for a conference and suddenly you’re like one of those people from the commercials, except what happened in Vegas followed you home.”

Rodney cast a half-hearted glare at his sister. The truth was, she was right. Up until his trip, his life had primarily consisted of trying to force simplistic ideas into ever more simplistic minds. A few drinks and a beautiful blonde later and it was something out of a Phillip Marlowe novel.

“What are you going to do?”

“Nothing. I’m going to leave it to the police.”

“And what? Hope they don’t focus on you.”

“I didn’t do anything Jeannie. They’ll figure that out and find out what happened.”

“Oh please. They _always_ think the husband did it. They’ll railroad you, while the real culprit lays low.”

“You watch way too much television. It’ll be fine.”

She threw up her hands in a gesture she’d picked up from her husband. “Fine, don’t cry on my shoulder when you’re whittling a shiv out of soap. Now how bad is the apartment? Do you want us to make up the spare room for you?”

“No, I got a room at the Marriott. Hopefully Detective Turner will give me the okay to start getting the apartment back in order soon.”

&&&&&&&&&&

Radek walked him out to the car. “Hey really, you are alright? You do not have to play the brave hero with me like you do for Jeannie.”

“I’m fine. It’s Sam I’m worried about. Even though things didn’t work out, I don’t want anything bad to happen to her.” He remembered the box and popped open his trunk. “Will you keep this for me? It’s a box of Sam’s stuff. I don’t want to just leave it lying around.”

“Yes, we will keep it safe, for when she returns.” He smiled, patting Rodney on the shoulder.

“Thanks. I’ll see you tomorrow at school.”

“You are still going to work?”

"I might as well. There’s not much I can do except sit around and wait for news and that would drive me crazy.”

&&&&&&&&&&

He got a call from Turner that afternoon. They’d verified his alibi, and other than the stereotypical admonishment not to leave town, told him they’d call when they had any information, or any more questions. He also got the okay to start on his apartment. Rodney headed there after classes, gearing himself up for the daunting task. He should probably get a cleaning crew in or something, but he wanted to at least get started on it.

He was still trying to decide where to begin, when there was a knock on the door. He started to open it, and then thought what if was whoever had trashed the apartment coming back. He looked around, and grabbed the closest thing he could reach as a weapon. It happened to be a bottle of wine that had miraculously survived intact.

He cautiously peered through the peephole, not wanting to announce his presence until he saw who it was. The face he saw distorted through the plastic made him yank the door open.

“That’d be more enjoyable if it was in a glass.” Doug stood in the doorway, lazy grin still in place.

It was only then that Rodney realized he was still holding the wine bottle up in a defensive position.

“Hello Rodney. I believe this belongs to you?”

For the first time, Rodney noticed that he was carrying Tansy. The cat’s large, golden yellow body was draped casually in Doug's arms. As soon as he caught sight of Rodney, he jumped down and stalked over to Rodney, yowling in a clearly scolding manner.

“He was sitting outside your door. I figured he probably lived here.”

Rodney bent and picked him up, absently scratching under his chin until he got a muted purr. “Yeah, he’s…wait. What are you doing here?”

Before he could answer, Rodney’s eyes widened. “Did you follow me? Oh my God! You’re some kind of insane stalker aren’t you? For some reason, you imprinted on me at the hotel and now…” He swallowed hard as a thought occurred to him. “Did you do something to Sam?”

“What? Rodney no! I saw the news about your wife and I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“So you drove all the way here, when you could have just called?”

Doug shrugged, giving him a rueful grin. “Yeah. I wanted to _see_ you. Look I know this is a little weird. If it’s too much, I can go.

It _was_ weird, and Rodney was sure it was probably a really bad idea considering the circumstances, but seeing Doug was the first sense of relief he’d had since he got home. “No-don’t go.”

They stared at one another a long moment. Rodney felt the same connection he’d felt at the hotel. It felt like he and Doug were meant to know each other.

“Okay.” Doug broke the silence, looking around with a low whistle. “ So, it looks like you could use some help.”

They straightened out what they could, dragging out several bags of things beyond repair for the trash. Rodney kept a list of stuff they were tossing, so he’d know what he needed to replace.

Rodney decided to drop Tansy off at his sister’s house until things were back to normal. He made Doug stay in the car because he didn’t feel like dealing with Radek’s disapproval, or Jeannie’s questions.

&&&&&&&&&&

Doug excused himself, and Rodney stared down at the table, trying to stifle the guilt he felt about having a good time with Doug. It wasn’t a date, it was dinner. He still had to eat, and besides, being miserable wasn’t going to bring Sam back. He knew that logically, but there was still a part of him asking what the hell he thought he was doing.

He looked up when two men slid into the booth across from him. One had long hair and a sneer, the other short dark hair and a bearing that screamed military.

“Hello Dr. McKay.”

“I…do I know you?”

“We were colleagues of you wife’s.”

“Sam shouldn’t have stolen it. We were supposed to be partners. It's our formula. We want it back Dr. McKay.” Unlike the shorthaired one’s calm tone, long hair was disgruntled.

“Excuse me?”

“I’ve read some of your articles. Your work is primitive of course, but not bad. I can see why Sam chose you to help her.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Rodney flinched as the longhaired man leaned in, the look in his eyes slightly maniacal.

“Still, it’s bad for your health to hold on to it. Look at what happened to Sam. We worked too hard to let someone else reap the benefits.”

Rodney saw Doug headed back to the table. The shorthaired one saw him too. He grabbed the other’s arm. “Come on Kavanaugh. Just remember what we said Dr. McKay. We’ll be in touch.”

Rodney was still trying to calm down when Doug sat down, looking at him quizzically.

“You alright?”

Rodney nodded. “Yeah. I think so.”

“Who were those guys?”

“They claim they work with Sam. They said something about Sam stealing a formula from them, and they think I have it.”

Doug looked at him intently. “She never said anything to you about it?”

Rodney shook his head. “No. Up until a few days ago, I thought she was a Professor at CC remember? Mentioning secret formulas or whatever would have negated that impression just a little, don’t you think?”

Doug nodded. “Yeah, I can see how that might be a give away that she was doing more than just grading papers after class.”

“You think?”

“Still, if they think you have it, maybe you do and just don’t know it.”

Rodney looked at him incredulously. “Sure, maybe Sam secreted it on micro film disguised as Tansy’s collar, or maybe it’s written on the walls in invisible ink.”

“Come on Rodney. You’re sure you don’t know anything? Maybe something Sam mentioned in passing.”

“No, and I don’t want to. Detective Turner can figure all this out.”

“I think we should try and find it.” The gleam in his eyes was almost as frightening as the one in that longhaired guy-Kavanaugh’s.

Rodney looked at him incredulously. “Jesus! I’m starting to think I’m the only sane person around here. These guys are dangerous Doug. They might have done something to Sam. They certainly seem willing to do something to me.”

Doug leaned in. “I’m sorry Rodney. I know that. I just think the police aren’t exactly on the ball here. I mean they don't know anything about what's going on, or if they do they haven't told you. The safest thing for you might be to find what these guys looking for yourself.”

Rodney was still worried that Doug was caught up in this like it was some kind of game or something, but he did have a point about the police, “Okay, maybe you’re right, but we do this carefully. No running off half-cocked. No reckless heroics.”

Doug poured more wine into his glass with that lazy half grin. “Hey, careful is my middle name.”

Rodney shook his head. “Now why do I think you’re lying to me?”

&&&&&&&&&&

He didn't know who made the first move. Just that as soon as the door closed, he was against it, Doug's mouth warm and wet on his. Clothing had already been breached, and skin-to-skin contact made, when he pulled away reluctantly and leaned his head against Doug’s shoulder.

Doug paused, one hand resting warmly on the back of Rodney’s neck.

"I think I should stay with you tonight."

Rodney stifled the part of him that said 'hell yes'. "That's probably not a good idea." He gave a soft sigh.

Doug stepped back. "You know what a worse idea is? I’m sleeping on the couch."

Rodney frowned in confusion. "What?"

"I don't think you should be on your own with tweedle dee and tweedle dum out there. So, you take the bed, I take the couch."

&&&&&&&&&&

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”

“I’ll be at the school in full view of hundreds of students-not that they pay attention to anything that goes on in class anyway, I mean I could probably be murdered at the podium and they’d just be glad they didn’t have any reading assigned.”

“Rodney!”

“Right, so I’ll be fine. I know what Kavanaugh and the other one look like now, and believe me; I’ll head in the other direction screaming bloody murder if I see them.”

“What time is your last class?”

“Let’s see. I have office hours this afternoon, then a last class at 2 o’clock, so I should be done by 3:30.”

“Okay, so I’ll meet you at the apartment at 4?”

Rodney nodded and tried not to wonder what Doug was going to be doing all day. He didn’t want to think about what it’d be like dealing with this whole mess without Doug, but despite the two days they’d spent flirting at the hotel, and the time since then getting too attached to him was not a good idea.

“Well, a mind is a terrible thing to waste, so get going.” Doug wiggled his brows, and Rodney laughed inspite of himself.

He had a feeling it might already be too late.

&&&&&&&&&&

Rodney thought he’d hate to meet the soldier in a dark alley. He had the face of a boxer o a losing streak, and an intense expression that boded ill for anybody in his path. He was glad they’d arranged to meet in the park in broad daylight.

The call had come during his office hours. Colonel O’Neil had identified himself, and claimed that he needed to speak with Rodney about Sam. Rodney’s first thought had been to call Doug, even though the Colonel had asked him to come alone, but then he realized he’d stupidly forgotten to get a contact number.

“Dr. McKay?”

Rodney nodded, and shook the offered hand warily.

“I’m Colonel O’Neil. Let’s take a walk.”

They started down the path and Rodney began to rethink the whole ‘safe in public’ thing. He imagined someone like the Colonel could probably snap his neck and dump his body before anyone noticed anything. His imagination was so far gone that he jumped slightly when the other man spoke.

“Have you ever heard of the SGC?”

“I’ve heard rumors, whispers. Nothing I ever believed was true.” Anybody in the science community in Colorado heard all kinds of things about what went on at Cheyenne Mountain. Most of it was dismissed as fantasy or wishful thinking.

“Well believe. You’re wife worked for us.”

“She told me she was a teacher.” A part of Rodney was still shocked at everything that was going on. Part of him felt like it was some elaborate joke, or a nightmare brought on by inferior coffee and opened ended essay question final exams.

That earned him a humorless laugh. “Not even close. She was part of an extremely important research project. That project seems to have disappeared along with her.”

“Two men showed up last night, looking for Sam, talking about something she stole from them.”

O’Neil nodded. “Yes. Bates and Kavanaugh. They were both involved in the project with her.”

“I don’t understand. If you know about them, why aren’t you talking to them?”

“We believe that the three of them were involved in stealing the project. We’re hoping that they will lead us to it.”

“You think they did something to Sam.” He refused to say killed. There was a part of him that still hoped she was okay.

“It’s possible. It’s also possible that she managed to get away, but the fact that they’re hanging around you leads me to believe they think _you_ know where it is.”

“I don’t even know _what_ it is.”

The look O’Neil gave him made him wonder if the other man thought he was involved the way Bates and Kavanaugh did.

“Look Dr. McKay, I know the police are involved. It’s very important that you don’t mention any of this to them.”

“But it might help them find Sam.”

“I assure you that _we’re_ doing everything we can to find her, but we’re talking national security here. We can’t afford for any knowledge of this project to leak out, and we don’t want to spook Bates and Kavanaugh.”

“Don’t tell _anyone_ you’ve spoken with me.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a card. “My cell phone number is here. It will get you directly to me. Call with anything you find out.”

&&&&&&&&&&

Doug met him at the apartment at exactly four o’clock and they ordered in pizza. Rodney debated whether to tell Doug about the Colonel, but in the end he decided to accede to the man’s request and not say anything for now.

Rodney didn’t know what they could find that whoever had torn up the apartment couldn’t, but he plugged along, mostly to humor Doug. They even looked through the garbage bags they’d sat out earlier.

“This is crazy. It could be anywhere. She could have put it on a CD, DVD, or hell even a flash drive. For all I know, it really could be encoded on the back of Tansy’s collar. Damn it! Why couldn’t they just steal money like normal people?” They were collapsed on the sofa. Doug leaned in, bumping shoulders with Rodney.

“I have faith in you Rodney. You’ll figure it out.”

“Let’s hope I manage before whatever happened to Sam happens to us.”

“It won’t. I won’t let anything happen to you.” The intent look he gave Rodney was at odds with his usual carefree expression. They stared at each other for a moment, the Doug grinned, breaking the spell.

Rodney smiled back. “What are you? My guardian Angel?”

“Maybe. Maybe I was sent here to look out for you.”

&&&&&&&&&&

Doug seemed intent on proving that when they got back to the hotel room. The other guy that had been with Kavanaugh at the restaurant was going through Rodney’s things.

Before Rodney could get into full freak-out mode at the gun he pulled on them, Doug had disarmed him in a move that looked extremely complicated, and quite frankly hot as hell. Rodney had never thought he found violence sexy, but watching Doug manhandle Bates out the door was enough to make him really regret the mental ‘no fly zone’ he’d placed on the other man.

Rodney put the security lock on the door and made sure the patio was locked as well. “How do you think he got in here?” Just to be sure he double-checked each lock.

“I don’t know, but maybe we’d better move to another hotel.”

“Yeah. I think… ” The phone rang and Rodney answered automatically. “Hello?”

_“Just a friendly warning McKay. Don’t trust Carter.”_

“Who?”

_“Carter. The guy in your room right now. Ask him why he didn’t call the police? Why he just let me go. He’s as big a liar and a Judas as his sister.”_

Rodney dropped the phone.

“Whoa, are you okay?”

“Yeah, sorry.” He bent to pick up the phone, keeping his head down while he tried to think.

“Who was that?”

“Bates.” Rodney froze when he realized what he’d said. He waited for Doug to ask who Bates was, since neither of them supposedly knew his name.

Instead he just frowned. “More threats? These guys will say anything to rattle you Rodney.”

“I believe him.” Rodney spoke quietly, and tried not to flinch when Doug-except he guessed that wasn’t his name-slid his arms around him.

“Hey, don’t look so worried. We’re in this together right? You’re the brains, I’m the muscle.”

He repeated the statement he’d made earlier. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

&&&&&&&&&&

The switch to another hotel was made quickly, and _Doug_ made sure that they were registered under a false name. He also emphasized the possibility of lawsuits and legal liability if anyone other than the two of them received access to the hotel room.

Rodney wished he could just limit it to himself, but he didn’t want to make _Doug_ suspicious. He just needed a few minutes to himself to call Colonel O’Neil and tell him what was going on. And just how glad was he now that he hadn’t said anything about meeting the Colonel?

His chance came while _Doug_ was in the shower. He kept his voice low while he explained.

_”Thank you for calling me Dr. McKay. I’ll check him out. Meanwhile, be careful. It’s starting to look like your part in this was more than an accident.”_

Rodney hung up and decided to be proactive while he was waiting to hear from Colonel O’Neil. The bag _Doug_ had brought with him when he met Rodney at the apartment was lying on his bed. He made sure the shower was still running then stealthily unzipped it, shifting aside what seemed like twenty black tee shirts.

He didn’t know exactly what he was looking for. It’d be too much to hope for a nice bold print pamphlet entitled. **Nefarious Plan #1** or something. He also wasn’t exactly paying attention to his surroundings, and therefore let out a pretty girly yelp when the door opened.

“Rodney? What are you doing?”

“I-ah, there was…” He trailed off. Not only was he a terrible liar, but the sight of _Doug_ dressed in nothing but a towel, with rivulets of water running down the side of his face and neck from wet hair that still insisted on defying gravity impeded his ability to form a coherent thought.

“Rodney?”

“Shit, shit, shit! Okay, Bates said that you were Sam’s brother. He said I shouldn’t trust you. You’re going to kill me now aren’t you?”

“What? Rodney, I’m not going to kill you. I’m protecting you, remember?”

Rodney couldn’t believe the wash of relief he felt. “Oh thank God! He was lying. I should have realized he just wanted to drive a wedge between us.”

“He was right. I’m Sam’s brother.”

“Excuse me?”

“Look, the last time I talked to her, she was worried about some top secret project she was working on. She was nervous about the people working on it with her. When she turned up missing, I figured it had something to do with that.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I couldn’t be sure you weren’t involved. I mean the way the two of you hooked up so quickly, you can see how that would seem suspicious.”

“I guess, yeah.”

“You can trust me Rodney. I just want to find out what happened to my sister.”

“I want to. I mean I’m obviously not equipped to handle all this James Bond stuff on my own, not to mention the fact that you’re gorgeous and…Oh God! My brother-in-law.”

“Rodney, calm down. It’s not like we’ve slept together.”

“No, but you wanted to.” He snorted at the amused look. “Oh please, don’t even go there. Single room? And that _was_ your dick I felt against my leg last night, Doug, or whatever your name is.”

“Mark. It’s Mark Carter.”

“So, Mark Carter-is there a Mrs. Carter?”

“Yes, but we’re divorced.”

“Of course you are.”

“I won’t let anything happen to you Rodney. I promise.”

“You’d better not, or I’ll come back and haunt you. You’ll never be rid of me.”

Mark winked. “Who says I want to be.”

“Stop it. And by the way, you’re on the couch again tonight.”

That elicited a grimace and then a ‘what can you do’ shrug that Rodney found sadly adorable.

“Oh, and Mark-thanks-for protecting me.”

“My pleasure.”

&&&&&&&&&&

The next day was Saturday and they were back at the apartment again, at Mark’s insistence. They continued to straighten up even while they searched.

"This is just a complete waste of time. It could be anywhere. I don't know enough about Sam to even guess, and the stuff I did know was a lie. You’re her brother; you should be doing this, not me."

"Rodney, I need to tell you…"

The door burst open and Kavanaugh hurled himself through, launching himself at Mark "You bastard!" He got in a punch in the initial shock and that was all.

He was still howling as Mark twisted his arm behind his back, and shoved him face first into the wall. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Rodney knew he should probably be upset, and he was, but mostly he was thinking _Yep, still hot,_ even though Mark was more off limits than ever.

"I suppose you're going to kill me know too?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Bates! You killed him you son of a bitch. Drowned him, and left him there in the tub. That's what kind of man you're hooked up with McKay. "

Mark released Kavanaugh and backed off warily. "Whoa, I didn't kill anybody."

“You’re not going to get away with this.” Blood trickled out of his nose and his face was already starting to bruise. He backed toward the door and left as abruptly as he came.

Rodney looked at the shattered lock on his door. “I am _so not getting_ my security deposit back.”

Mark laughed, then grimaced and felt the split lip Kavanaugh had managed to give him.

Rodney reached over and touched the swelling flesh gingerly. “You need to learn to duck better.” He was expecting a grin and some smart-assed remark back, not for Mark to capture his hand and slide one of the fingers into his mouth.

“Hey! Hey! I thought we talked about this. No. This is way too close to a Jerry Springer episode to turn out well.”

He got the grin then, and a nip on his finger before Mark let go. “I think you’re the one that ducks pretty well. When this is over Rodney, there won’t be any excuses left.”

Rodney tried not to shiver in anticipation at the promise implied in Mark’s words.

&&&&&&&&&&

 _”I don’t know who he is, but he’s not Mark Carter_.”

“Not Mark Carter. Are you sure?” Rodney wanted to be surprised, but he didn’t think he had the energy any more.

_“Positive. Look Dr. McKay, this guy, whoever he is could be a real danger to you. He might even have been responsible for what happened with your wife. Make sure there are always other people around you, and get away from him as quickly as possible”_

Rodney was sitting casually on the sofa when _Mark_ made it back to the room with the take out.

“Hey, they didn’t have the seasoned fries you wanted, so I got regular.”

“Let’s go out.”

“What?”

Rodney stood up, and grabbed his jacket. “I feel like eating out. We’ve been stuck in hotel rooms or that apartment for three days.”

“Rodney-are you okay?” He put down the bag and reached for Rodney who backed away.

“Yeah, just a little stir crazy. Look there’s a restaurant right across the street from the hotel.”

“Okay. Fine.”

&&&&&&&&&&

Rodney lingered over dinner, then ordered desert, trying desperately to think of something else to keep from having to go back to the hotel room with the other man. He even considered going over to his sister’s, but the last thing he wanted was to put them in any kind of danger.

“Rodney, what’s going on?”

“Who do you think did it? Killed Bates I mean??”

 _Mark_ shrugged. “Not a clue at this point.”

“I guess whoever is left alive at the end is the number one candidate.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well I know I didn’t do it, and unless there’s some shadowy figure lurking in the background, then the only other people involved in this are you and Kavanaugh.”

“One minute you’re thanking me for protecting you, the next you’re accusing me of murder. What do I have to do, be the next victim?”

“Well, it wouldn’t hurt.”

“Rodney?”

“That’s the only name I have, how about you?”

“What’s going on?”

“Mark Carter is in San Diego, with his wife and kids.”

 _Doug_ or _Mark_ or whatever the hell his name was shrugged. He had that sheepish half-grin that had made Rodney’s heart flutter just a little from the first moment he saw it. It made his stomach turn over this time, because there was nothing but lies and death behind it.

“Would you believe me if I told you…”

He held up a hand to cut off the next wave of lies. “I wouldn’t believe you if you told me water was wet.”

“Rodney...”

Rodney held up a hand. “Stop. Do I have a ‘I’m a giant idiot, please lie to me over and over again tattooed on my forehead?”

Doug stepped close to him, and Rodney couldn’t contain a shiver as long fingers brushed gently across his head. “You don’t. I’m sorry. I’m obviously not Mark Carter, but if you’ll listen, I’ll tell you the story of my life.”

“Is this the truth or the James Frey version?”

“I was born in a small town. My father owned the local hardware store, and he always wanted me to take over the business. I wanted to see the world-in style. So I had to find an occupation that allowed me to do that.”

Rodney frowned. “So what are you? A gigolo?”

Doug rolled his eyes. “No Rodney. I liberate things from people who have a _lot_ of things.”

“You’re a thief? Oh my God I don’t believe it!”

“It’s the truth.”

“No I mean I don’t believe it, because I do. It makes perfect sense. So you want to sell the formula?”

“Yeah, that’s the plan.”

“To who?”

“Back to the SGC. I’m a thief, not a traitor.”

“So what _is_ your name?”

“It’s Archie. Archie Leach.”

“So, is there a Mrs. Leach?”

“Yes, but we’re…”

“Divorced.”

“Yeah. The man is the same even if the name is different, Rodney.”

&&&&&&&&

"The video game!" the whole time they’d been married, he’d never even heard Sam mention gaming, let alone play. He should have realized when he was looking through the box the first time. “I can't believe I didn't think of it before. Some genius I am."

His TA looked up from the papers she was organizing in surprise. "Excuse me, Professor McKay?"

"Never mind. Sarah, let the class go early, with just the reading assignment, and I’ll see you on Monday."

He hightailed it over to his sister's house, wanting to be sure before he contacted the Colonel. Despite what he felt for Archie, and really he was beginning to think it felt a lot like love, he couldn't let him sell the formula.

&&&&&&&&&&

"Sam's box-where is it?"

"It's in the closet in the spare bedroom."

Rodney rushed past his sister and grabbed the box, looking through the contents, and then looking again uselessly.

"Rodney, what's going on?" Jeannie stood in the door of the bedroom, eyeing him in confusion.

"There was game in here-what happened to it?"

She shook her head. "I didn't take anything…Willem!" She shouted again before Rodney's nephew came barreling into the room. He grinned when he saw Rodney and headed straight for him.

"Uncle Rod!"

Rodney gave him a quick hug, and then knelt so they were eye to eye. "Will, did you happen to take a game out of this box?"

"Um, I was only gonna borrow it. Except…" he glanced at his mother, then back at his uncle, brown eyes anxious.

"What?"

"Well, it was really hard, so I didn't play it long. I meant to put it back, but I forgot and then I went to the game store yesterday and traded some stuff."

"And it was in there?"

He nodded.

Rodney sighed. "It's okay. Just next time ask first, okay?"

&&&&&&&&&&

“My nephew brought in some games to trade yesterday, and there was one that got mixed in by accident. It’s called Lost City”

The clerk reached under the counter and pulled out the case. “I figured somebody would be back for this. It’s like nothing I’ve ever seen before. What is it, some kind of prototype or something?”

Rodney nodded. “Something like that, yeah.” He glanced down at the case in his hand. He’d expected to feel happy and relieved when he found it, but all he could think about was Sam, probably dead behind this, and Archie, willing to tell any lie to get it. “Thanks.”

&&&&&&&&&&

"Rodney, you have to trust me one last time."

Rodney formed the third point of a triangle that consisted of Colonel O'Neil and Archie. Both had guns out and pointed at each other. Both were trying to convince him that the other was dangerous.

When he'd called the Colonel and arranged to meet him in the park again, he'd expected a quick and easy hand over and that would be the end of it. The SGC could concentrate on finding Sam and he could try and get back to a normal life.

What he hadn't been expecting was Archie to show up, and things to get even crazier than they were.

"Don't listen to him, McKay. How many lies has he already told you? You don't even know who he is."

Rodney's eyes never left Archie's. "He’s right. Why should I trust you?"

Archie shook his head, his face resigned. "I can't think of a single reason."

Rodney glanced back to where the Colonel was standing, gun pointed in their direction, and then he looked back at Archie, eyes narrowed. “Remember the part about haunting you forever.” With a quick flick of his wrist, he threw the CD case behind Archie and himself down on the ground and out of the line of fire.

&&&&&&&&&

Rodney was surprised to see Sam standing at the door to his office, one arm in a sling, and a still red scar on her forehead. He’d signed and sent back the divorce papers a week ago, and he figured that was it. He never expected to hear from her again.

“Sam.”

She gave him a tentative smile. “I just wanted to stop by and apologize in person. The missing formula thing was meant to be a red herring to catch Bates and Kavanaugh, and I’m really sorry you got caught up in it. It’s funny. I was supposed to be feeling you out about a position with us in Las Vegas, and it turned into this.”

“So there was no formula. The whole thing was a lie?” a low throb started at the back of Rodney’s head.

“No, it’s real, but the SGC has had it for a couple of weeks now. We needed to find out who Kavanaugh and Bates were dealing with. I thought I could keep things under control until we got all the data we needed. The only thing we didn’t count on was Kolya getting to you, pretending to be the Colonel. Jack’s pretty pissed about that. We never thought you’d tell him you had found the formula.”

“And the video game?”

Sam flushed. “It was just something we’d been playing around with. Not something we could ever put on the market…”

“So basically you were using everybody. You let me think you were dead. Let the police think I did it-had Bates and Kavanaugh scrambling around looking for the formula, and everything was just a set up from the beginning.” His raised voice drew a few curious looks from people passing down the hall, and he walked over and slammed the door shut.

“I had no choice, Rodney. I’m sorry. I really did like you. The marriage was legitimate-I mean that wasn’t part of the plan.” She shrugged. “That was just Vegas.”

Rodney snorted.

“After I got away from Kolya at the apartment, we thought it’d be best for me to disappear. We thought one of them would make a move and we could catch everybody. You were _never_ meant to be in any danger Rodney. That’s why John was there.”

“So you weren’t supposed to marry me, you were just supposed to ‘charm’ me.” He sneered, looking her up and down in the most insulting manner he could. “ It wasn’t an accident they sent somebody that looks like you to talk to me. You, and then Sheppard. Does the SGC make a practice of whoring out their best looking members?”

Sam paled and then turned red “For a genius you can be a complete moron sometimes.”

Rodney thought she was going to hit him, and a part of him wished she would.

“John volunteered to watch out for you-to protect you. That’s all. You may be irritating as hell Rodney, but you have your charms. Whatever happened between the two of you and John was just that, between _you_. It had nothing to do with his assignment.”

She left, closing the door quietly behind her.

&&&&&&&&&&

“Rodney, you have been sulking for months. You should call the boy toy.”

Rodney closed his laptop, since Radek refused to acknowledge that he was being ignored. “I don’t sulk. Besides, I told you he wasn’t a boy toy. He works for your illustrious government.”

“Well, They offered you a job, yes?”

“Of course they did. They would be stupid not to. Not that I’m taking it. I’m perfectly happy where I am.”

Radek looked at him like he was crazy. “Rodney please! You hate teaching. You hate the politics, you hate the students, the faculty, the alumni, the…”

“Yes, but at least I don’t have to see my ex-wife and my ex…whatever everyday.”

“Ah. That is true.”

“Besides, you know why I teach.”

“Rodney, I think your debt has been long paid. Your Mr. Rowan would want you to use you mind where it is best served. Besides, maybe you and the ‘non-toy’ can reach a détente.”

&&&&&&&&&&

“Hello Rodney.”

He ignored the way his heart leapt at the sight of John Sheppard standing in the doorway of his apartment. Six months hadn’t smothered his feelings at all. “Look, if you’re here to repeat the job offer, the answer is still no.”

“Actually I came to…”

Rodney couldn’t help himself. “Do you even…do you do this for them? Is this what you do-charm people, make them love you, lie to them to keep them on the hook, use them?”

“No.” John walked towards him, the intent look in his eyes making Rodney take a step back.

“So, just me then?”

He stepped closer, forcing Rodney back against the wall. He leaned in, arms on either side of Rodney’s head. Holding his gaze with the same intent look. “Just you.”

&&&&&&&&&&

Epilogue

“So, why _did_ you come?”

“I thought an official introduction was in order.” He held out a hand. “ John Sheppard. I’m very pleased to meet you Doctor McKay.”

Rodney looked at John propped against the headboard, with the bed sheet draped more seductively than modestly across his hips.

“You really are certifiable aren’t you?”

John grinned. “Nope, just trying to get started on the right foot.”

Rodney leaned in as if to whisper a secret. “Don’t worry. The blowjob really kind of took care of that.”

“Come on Rodney. This way no one can ever say we weren’t properly introduced.”

Rodney accepted the hand John held out, but didn’t release it. "Okay, I’ll bite but on one condition. You swear never to lie to me again?"

"I swear."

"Not even about stuff that I really want you to, like my hairline and the chances of the Hurricanes finally winning the Stanley Cup?"

John shook his head. "Not even then."

Rodney eyed the guileless expression on John's face suspiciously for a moment. "All right then. Pleased to meet you John Sheppard. And is there a Mrs. Sheppard?"

“Yes, but…”

“Divorced?”

“No, still happily married to my dad.”

“Oh very amusing.”

“I try.” He used their joined hands to pull Rodney to him, and then wrapped his arms around him.

"Wait."

"Rodney!"

"No-this whole thing with Kolya-that was an aberration right? I mean what you do isn't usually dangerous right?"

John grinned. "Safe as houses"

Rodney shook his head. "Liar."

**The end**


End file.
